As a brief preface, manifestation is one of the most misunderstood wellness trends and misused practices. People believe they are manifesting by just thinking about what they want, or they try to use manifestation to get a Chanel purse or a million-dollar mansion. But that’s just not how manifestation works (because you know if I could get a Chanel purse just by thinking about, I would have already had a closet full of them). We all want things–it’s human nature to desire. But actualizing instead of just wanting? Now that’s some powerful sh*t. I’ve read up a lot on manifestation the past couple of years and have been lucky enough to learn from top experts in the field, and here is my complete guide to turning your wants into reality and living out your very best life.

1. Identify what you’re accidentally manifesting

Whether intentional or unintentional, your thoughts become things. It has been proven that we attract realities because our beliefs dictate not only our own actions, but energies around us. That is why when we often focus on what we don't want, we often fail at getting what we do want. For example, a study showed that a majority of car accidents happen when people are looking where they don't want to go (i.e. a ditch, in the next lane) instead of where they want to go (straight ahead). What you give energy to grows, so when we’re giving energy to something negative, that negative will only grow. Donna Stoneham once said “Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want,” because when we focus on what we don’t want to happen instead of what we do, we’re unconsciously willing what we don’t want into existence. Start manifesting by first being aware of where you’re putting energy into what you don’t want. For example, do you want to lose weight but you’re more focused on how bad you feel about yourself now instead of the way you want to feel? Do you want more money, but you think more about how little money you have now instead of what it would be like to actually have more money? Rearrange your mindset and internal thoughts so that you’re only putting energy into what you do want.

2. Identify the What and the Why

Before you can manifest anything, you need to get clear on what you want to manifest in the first place. In my programs, this looks like identifying the “why” goals. Clients come to me hoping to eat a healthier diet or work out more, but I always ask them why? Whether the answer is to feel more confident or have enough energy to crush their career goals, this why goal will be so much more motivating than the initial goal, but it will also give us more clarity on other ways to achieve what will genuinely make them happier and healthier. Of course, we all want to be rich and we all want to be healthy, but what do you really want? The feeling of freedom, unmatched energy, or more time with the people you love? What career, family life, home, or diet would really make you happy? Why? For some people, this step may look like making a vision board as a visual representation, or for others, it looks like a bucket list (I prefer the term “life list”). Whatever way works best for you, get clear on what you want out of your life by making a list, and identify why each goal is important to you and why it would help you live your best life.

3. Find out who your highest self is

This is the step that many of us are missing when we’re trying to achieve our goals. So you know what you want, but maybe you’ve told yourself you will act on what you want when you are a certain way (like you will apply for that dream job when you have more experience or you will post more Reels on Instagram when you have more followers). In this way of thinking, we’re telling ourselves that we’re not already who we are meant to be, which means we’re distancing ourselves from our dream lives (think of it like un-manifesting). So the practice to put into plaec right now? Get clear on not just what you want and why, but who you want to be. Get to know the truest version of you (and your favorite self!). Ask what she does when she wakes up, how she dresses for the day, and what she eats for breakfast. How does she spend her days, what does she spend money on, and how does she act around her friends? Again, clarity is crucial to getting to where you want to be.

4. Act how your highest self would

Once you have a list of tangible actions that your highest self would do, start doing them. You know the saying “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have?” Act for the life you want, not the life you have. Look over your list and start incorporating every single action you can into your daily life. How does the highest version of you eat? Start googling recipes and grocery shopping accordingly. How does your highest self spend her mornings? Set your alarm to whatever time you need and fill whatever free time you have with that routine. How does your highest self act toward her friends? Get specific, and make sure you’re acting in the same way. Yes, you can literally be your highest self right now-you don't need to wait for your life circumstances to change. The only thing holding you back from living your dream life is your belief that it’s not already happening right now.

5. Say “no” more often

Another common manifestation mistake: People believe that saying “yes” opens them up to more. It’s true that an open mind, spontaneity, and saying yes to what you truly want is a crucial part of achieving what you truly want out of life, but intentional “no’s'“ are an important piece of the puzzle too. You may believe that saying “yes” more often will help you get the bank account or social life you want (like saying “yes” to every party invite that comes your way will help you find great friends, or saying “yes” to every job opportunity or client will make you rich). However, if you’re saying yes to things you don’t truly want at your core, you’re depleting your energies by spreading yourself too thin, meaning you’re not actually coming from a place of abundance, but from a place of lack. Instead, say more “true yeses,” or say yes when you really want to and feel excited. Say “no” to plans with people who don’t make you feel good and the opportunities that don’t get you excited. More you want will come your way because you’ve cleaned out the space of anything you don’t truly want.

6. Gratitude journal and “Future You” journal

Journaling is recommended so often that it's become cliche, but there's a reason so many people swear by it. Gratitude journaling has not only been proven to improve happiness, but it helps to shift the brain away from the lack mindset by focusing on what you do have instead of what you don't. When you write about the great relationship with your mom, you're manifesting more love to your life. When you're journaling about the inspiration you felt that morning, you're generating more inspiration to you. Similarly, Future You journaling is writing as your highest self in present tense, as if you already were her. In other words, journal about your dreams as if you've already reached them. Talk about the amazing job you have and how it makes you feel, or all of your healed symptoms and how great you feel. Don't journal about the dreams that you want, because it implies you don't already have it (the lack mindset), which will push your dreams further away.