Why I Teach Balance, Not Perfection (Hint: Because You'll See Better Results)

Source: @olivecooke

Besides knowing every word to Lizzo and hating Juan Pablo (it's not OK), most women have one thing in common: they strive for perfection. Every client I've ever worked with has either dealt with guilt if she didn't have time for a workout after six straight days of rigorous HIIT, or eats "clean" for three days straight, has one side of fries and spirals into bingeing junk food because "the week's ruined, anyways." Most of my friends have said no to getting fro-yo because "they've been so good," or find it impossible to get back into exercise if they took a break for a few days. Let me introduce you to my old friend, all-or-nothing thinking, perfectionism's sneaky cousin. It's something most women struggle with in some form with their health and wellness goals.

But it's not your fault, ladies–diet culture has made us believe that eating the healthy stuff only matters if we 100 percent cut out the unhealthy, or that we have to be "good" all the time and being "bad" automatically means we'll get punished (AKA gain a pound or a pants size). The truth (and I mean the real truth) is that the definition of health is balance, not perfection. Every study of medicine besides modern western medicine defines health in terms of balance: the goal of Ayurveda (the oldest and most widely practiced medical practice) is to balance the doshas, and even the medical studies associated with Taoism strive for balance between yin and yang, feminism and masculine, dark and light, airy and grounding, slow and fast.

So why does the wellness world in our culture worship perfection? Simple: marketing. It's impossible (and unhealthy!) to ever reach "perfection," so we feel like we're always falling short, as if our health is not in our own hands. When we think our health is not in our control, we pull out our wallets and shell out $$$ to trainers, brands, and eating plans to let them control our bodies instead.

Don't worry, there's a way out! Here's how to find true health through balance:

Signs You're Dealing With All-or-Nothing Thinking:

• You're either a total success or a failure, and there is no in between

• Your biggest problem with healthy eating is when you eat something "bad," you feel like you have to start over in order for any healthy choices to count

• When it comes to exercise, you either overdo it or don't do it at all/enough

• If it wasn't a 60-minute sweat session that makes you sore, it doesn't feel worth it

• You think anything short of 100% might as well be 0%

• You use words like "never" or "always" ("I'll never lose weight!" or "I always cave–I'm so weak!")

• You've followed a strict diet where someone else (a dietician, a book, etc.) told you what you were "allowed" or "not allowed" to eat

• You depend on physical measurements like tracking calories or weighing yourself on a scale to believe any improvements

And How to Break It To Truly Be Healthy and Happy

Know that 1% Makes a Difference

Our bodies are self-healing by nature; they're meant to be healthy, so every vegetable and every step or rep is literally changing your body's chemistry to help it work. Start being healthier by adding to your diet, rather than subtracting. You'll start thinking about food in terms of how you can get more nutrition into your body, not less calories.

Focus on More, but Not an Amount

Instead of thinking that a 60-minute draining workout is the only form of exercise that's "worth it," focus on living less sedentary. Move whenever and wherever you can, like a 20-minute Pilates session before work, a walk around the block at lunchtime, and stretching before bed. It will make a much bigger difference in your body than exhaustion from fitting in an intense workout every day, and not moving at all when you can't.

Remove "always" and "never" from your vocabulary

It works for relationship advice and it works with your health goals. Catch yourself whenever you're thinking in negative, absolute terms. Health is not either/or; it can really be both. Remind yourself that you're good at giving your body the optimal nutrients it needs, AND also enjoy that slice of pizza (or let's be real–the whole pie). Tell yourself you are strong and fit, AND you are powerful enough to also enjoy total restoration and relaxation.

Source: @kayla_seah

Stop thinking health is something to be achieved

If I could get one thought into every brain in the world (myself included, because I also struggle!), it would be this so listen up: health is not a destination. There's no "wagon" to fall off of. You don't "achieve" it when you reach a certain weight, routine, or diet. Instead, health is a series of daily habits and mundane choices that we make every single day for our entire lives. No, it's not a destination; it's an ongoing journey that never ends.

Bring Joy Into the Equation

Feeling confused about how much you should be eating fruits, veggies, and whole grains, and when you should be letting yourself eat that chocolate cake or drink a glass of wine? You don't need to track the 80/20 rule or go on an eating plan. Instead, find your sweet spot by identifying the amount of joy you let into your life. Are you staying at home every night instead of going out with friends because you have an early workout the next day and don't want to waste cals on alcohol? Fine, but are you really...joyful? Likewise, are you enjoying every glorious mac n' cheese and milkshake under the sun, but feel lethargic, sick, or just disconnected from your body? You'll know you've achieved the perfect balance when you feel undeniable joy. Check in with yourself until you find it, and you won't have to restrict, feel guilty, or think in all-or-nothings ever again.

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